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Elizabeth
liz_wkfld
I wonder what everyone's up to this weekend. Maybe I should try to throw some kind of party. Would anyone come? I know throwing parties is Jess's thing, but I don't know, it might help me get back into the social scene. I'm so lonely! Maybe it sounds shallow, but I've always been used to having a lot of friends and a boyfriend. Now I'm just out of sorts. Everyone's gotten used to me being away that people aren't exactly knocking down my door to be friends again. I guess I should have expected that. Why should people turn their lives upside down because I decided to come back from London? Still, it is lonely. Not having a boyfriend, too. Am I really that hollow of a person that I need other people to complete me?

Of course not.

But maybe a small party wouldn't hurt, either.
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liz_wkfld
I think things are better now between Jessica and I. We had lunch at Yum-Yum's the other day, and we talked. Had a real conversation, you know? It makes me feel better. We're not there yet, but I think we're on the way to becoming friends (good friends) again.
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liz_wkfld
Sam wrote a message to me on the board. I blew him off. I don't know, part of me may want to talk to him, but the other part of me thinks. . .how can I when I know what he's capable of? How could I ever trust him if we were to(possibly)work things out? It's better to keep my distance. Besides, maybe I shouldn't be concentrating on men, anyway. I should focus on my schoolwork and making friends. Nina hasn't been around much, and I hate to say it but I really don't have anyone else. There's Jess. . .but we're still awkward. I should work on my relationship with her before I think about guys, and especially Sam.
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liz_wkfld
Whew! I haven't been able to update here much. Classes are extremely busy. For some reason, the professors like to pile all the work on right at the beginning. I think they're trying to scare us off. =/

At any rate, I'm enjoying being so busy, because it does keep my mind off of things. However, I might need to work on the social part of my life. Alex, Lila, Denise. . . they're more Jess's friends than mine, and I wouldn't be comfortable hanging around them. How can I be, when I'm not even comfortable around my own twin sister? Speaking of Jessica, I know I should call her, or arrange a lunch together, but the fact is that I'm afraid to. I know, I shouldn't be. This is me, who managed to fly to London on a complete whim-decision, and actually survived for six months. What should I be afraid of? But when I think of how Jessica must have felt . . . I do admit that I feel a little guilty. Jessica's been polite to me, but it's a forced kind of polite, like I'm a stranger. I think that's what "civil" means. Tolerating each other. Will we ever be close again?

Frat parties are going on like crazy, but I never was much for parties. I think maybe I should get together with Nina and we could plan a night out. I don't think Nina is much for frat parties either.
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liz_wkfld
My first day of classes went okay. I'm so glad to be taking most literature classes this term. I have so much to catch up on, though! It will take working twice as hard if I'm going to graduate on time, with Jessica and everybody. It makes me wonder if it might not be worth it, or if it will make a difference, to just graduate a semester later. I guess it's always an option if I get too stressed out. For now, though, it's a relief to have so much schoolwork to concentrate on. It keeps me from worrying about the social world.
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liz_wkfld
Jessica is mad at me. I'm sorry that I hurt her by leaving, but does she remember why I left? Because she kissed Sam! And okay, maybe she might have just been trying to prove something, but it doesn't change the fact that she made out with my boyfriend and disregarded my feelings, especially when she knew how strongly I felt about him.

I'm willing to forgive and forget. But if she's not willing to do the same, then I guess I have nothing to say.
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